


If I Say I Love You

by Imagined



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Tony Stark, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Scars, Soulmates, Stephen Strange feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 03:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18908389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagined/pseuds/Imagined
Summary: They’re soulmates, but that doesn’t mean anything. Neither of them wants the other, and that’s fine. Tony already has met the person he wants to spend his life with, and having him meet Stephen Strange – well, that’s just a poor joke made by the universe.Only he gets to decide who he loves.





	If I Say I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday fic for my lovely friend [Mara](https://www.starkparker.tumblr.com), who has always been such a wonderful supporter of my fics and is actually the one who got me to ship ironstrange in the first place. I know it's a little late, but it comes from the heart nonetheless!
> 
> The title comes from Mumford and Son's _[If I Say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nOB_2DQi9U)_ , one of my favourites. It fit too perfectly for me not to use it. I can recommend listening to it!

Meeting your soulmate has always been this abstract concept to Tony. It’s something that happens to other people, but not him. There’s tons of movies and books on the subject; ads that deal with people lighting up as they look into their soulmates’ eyes; songs about meeting your true love. Tony has never put much faith in any of them. Meeting your soulmate is an event that happens to only one in a hundred people – he’s never been lucky enough in life to ever believe it’d happen to him.

Or maybe he’s just so unlucky that he’ll meet them anyway.

Besides, he has Pepper. She may not be his soulmate, but she’s everything he missed before. She is beautiful and smart, and he’s very much in love. She is all he needs, and he does not believe that there is anyone in all the world who is better suited for him. They have been dating for almost five years, and it’s all going great. Neither of them know who their soulmates are, and it’s fine like that. Tony doesn’t need to see his body lighting up as an indicator that he’s found the person he was made for. He has Pepper, and that’s as perfect as things can get. He has her, and he’s Iron Man, and she can accept him for who he is.

He’s on top of the world, and he doesn’t need a soulmate for that.

~*~

He is seven, and the family dinner is awkward. Howard is on his phone during all of it, yelling at someone for not delivering the parts he needed, and Maria is quietly picking at her food. Lasagne is usually Tony’s favourite, but he’s not in the mood now, as he stares at his parents.

Howard stands up and walks away from the table without saying a word to either of them.

‘’You can tell him about your project after,’’ Maria tells him as they both watch the empty chair.

‘’Yeah,’’ Tony says, though he’s old enough to know that Howard won’t care to hear. Not when he’s like this, definitely. 

Maria sits in silence and finishes her dinner while watching her husband’s plate grow cold, and Tony thinks that if this unsympathetic indifference is what it means to be soulmates, he doesn’t want it.

~*~

He’s twenty-five and he watches two people in the street bump into each other. As the man goes to steady the woman, their shoulders and hands start glowing brightly enough to be seen through their clothes. It’s nothing compared to the light in their eyes. People in the streets stop and watch them –

Yet another soulmate couple that has finally found each other. Some people even clap and whistle, and the couple blush and stammers and can’t stop watching each other.

Tony looks at them with dark eyes for just a moment before he continues walking. They’ll find that it’s not as great as all that soon enough.

~*~

It’s a gala where it happens, of course. Tony doesn’t know until he does – he shakes people’s hands and plasters on a fake smile for them. Besides him, Pepper is doing a better job at pretending to be enjoying herself. She’s always been better at the whole PR thing than he. 

‘’Pay attention, Tony,’’ Pepper hisses to him, taking his arm and settling him down next to her as someone speeches about the ill kids that will be helped with all the money they have brought in.

Of course the gala is thrown for a good cause – something to do with raising money for a hospital, and Tony doesn’t quite remember, but he donated a lot. It’s a thing that has to do with the entire Avengers thing as well –the Avengers need good press, especially after the thing in Sokovia, and they use Tony to get it. As if saving the world and almost dying multiple times doesn’t make him likeable enough for the press, but Tony just rolls with whatever Pepper tells him.

‘’We’re getting out of here when we can,’’ he whispers back, and Pepper rolls her eyes. He doesn’t miss the fond tilt of her lips, though, and he grins to himself as he stands in front of the group of staff from the hospital. They’re all going to thank him and shake his hand, and he just wants to get it over with and go home. 

He doesn’t remember anyone’s names, and he’s so bored that he’s mentally upgrading one of his cars in his mind. It’s all just par for the course – nothing he hasn’t done a hundred times before, and the only solace is Pepper’s steady warmth next to him as he flashes a fake grin and nods his head intently as the staff thanks him.

That is, until he shakes hands with the umpteenth guy and feels the tingling start.

Still holding the hand, he startles as it begins glowing from the inside out; he takes a step back, regarding his own hand with something like suspicion. ‘’Tony?’’ Pepper says worriedly, but he doesn’t look at her. He stares at the man before him, his face pale as he regards his own glowing digits.

This man is his soulmate.

He’s maybe a few years younger than Tony, tall and dark-haired, with a few hints of greying. His cheekbones are sharp, and his eyes the lightest blue Tony has ever seen; his lips are slightly parted in surprise, and at least fate picked out someone handsome for him. 

The line starts murmuring – everyone has seen their glowing hands, and everyone knows what it means. 

Tony gets himself together much faster than he would have expected himself to, had he known this would happen. He grabs the man by his suit – and it’s a good suit, fitting him very well, so at least the guy has a good taste – and drags him to the back, away from all of the people there. He can still hear the murmuring from the other room, rising in volume as the subjects of the rumours disappear.

Two women follow behind them – one is Pepper, the other a petite brunette that he doesn’t know. 

‘’Let go,’’ the man hisses at him as they stand there in silence for a moment. Tony lets go of the guy’s suit, and he takes a step back, staring at Tony with something like both disbelief and indignancy, like the last few minutes haven’t worked in on him fully yet.

‘’Stephen,’’ the brunette says, rushing to the man’s side. That must be his name – Stephen. Tony’s soulmate is a man named Stephen with blue eyes, and he’d never thought before that he would know this much. That he would ever get to know, and it didn’t bother him.

Pepper steps beside him, watching him carefully. ‘’He’s your soulmate,’’ she says quietly.

‘’I don’t want a soulmate,’’ he whispers to her. ‘’I want you.’’

‘’You’re still going to have to talk to him,’’ she says. ‘’Do you want me to –‘’

‘’Stay,’’ he tells her, and takes her hand. She squeezes it, and he offers her a single nod before turning back to Stephen. The woman seems to be his girlfriend, as she’s looking at him in heartbreak and insecurity and yet still holding onto him. Stephen mutters something too quiet for him to hear as he holds her, and something like relief fills up Tony’s chest. At least Stephen doesn’t seem to be eager to turn her away for Tony, which he doesn’t want either.

‘’Let’s try this again,’’ he says to Stephen, who watches him with wary eyes as Tony holds out his hand a second time. After a second, he nods, and takes Tony’s hand. This time, their hands only glow a little. It’s discomforting enough, to Tony, to see the clear sign that he has found his soulmate while the woman he loves most in the world stands beside him.

Nonetheless, he shakes it decidedly. Stephen’s hand is warm in his own, and he releases it after a few short moments. ‘’I’m Tony Stark, and apparently your soulmate,’’ he says, trying to get this over with as soon as possible. ‘’Your name is?’’

‘’Stephen Strange,’’ the man says wryly. ‘’And this is my girlfriend – Christine Palmer.’’

Tony nods, and shakes her hand as well as Pepper introduces herself. Christine’s eyes are heavy on his, calculating and confused. He feels for her, but it’s not exactly his fault that her boyfriend turned out to be his soulmate. It’s not like he asked for him – he only ever asked for Pepper.

‘’What are we going to do about this soulmate-situation?’’ he asks, tilting his head. ‘’I’m in a committed relationship here, and it looks like you are, too.’’

‘’Soulmates being together is an archaic concept,’’ Stephen scoffs. ‘’It’s merely used for media and commercialisation of love, the idea of two people meant for each other. It’s not real.’’

‘’I agree,’’ Tony says, sighing in relief. ‘’I gotta tell you, I’m glad you think the same thing. Look, I’ll just – here, let me give you my phone number. If there’s anything I can do for you, or the media is harassing you, just call me, and we’ll make the problem go away.’’

Stephen takes the card, looking rather disappointed with the way his life is going right now. It’s not Tony’s problem that he doesn’t want to be soulmates with one of the most famous people in the world, but he can help him deal with the outfall it’s certainly going to have. He knows it won’t be easy on the man, to be publicly known as the soulmate of Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries and part-time superhero and Avenger. The whole world will know that he is, after all, with the number of witnesses they had. He’ll make sure that Stephen can live his life normally, and he won’t have to talk to him at all outside of that.

They’re soulmates, but that doesn’t mean anything. Neither of them wants the other, and that’s fine. Tony has already met the person he wants to spend his life with, and having him meet Stephen Strange – well, that’s just a poor joke made by the universe.

~*~

‘’Platonic soulmates don’t exist,’’ the girl – Lisa? – tells him. Her legs go on for days and her long blonde hair waves over her shoulders. She is seventeen, and he’s sixteen, and she’s sitting beside him on the beach. Tony barely remembers her name – Lola? –, but he’d sure like to spend a night with her. 

‘’Of course they do,’’ he says. ‘’Plenty of people who are soulmates aren’t in love. It’s statistics.’’

‘’They say they aren’t, maybe, but they are,’’ she argues. ‘’Your soulmate is the one person that was made for you – for you, specifically. They will be the person you can share everything with, who will mean everything to you.’’

‘’So you’re saying you could never fall in love with anyone else?’’ Tony says sceptically, and thinks of his parents. Of his mother, softly whispering the words to an old song as she sits behind her piano, and his father standing still and pretending not to listen to her sing. Of them passing by each other in a thousand little ways, both in love and both ignoring the other, because they’re not sure how to fix this. Because they love each other, and they keep hurting each other, and they don’t want to.

It seems like a pretty miserable existence, to him.

‘’Not like that,’’ she – Linda? – tells him. Her eyes, a bright blue, are focused on something far away. ‘’It won’t ever mean as much as being with your soulmate does.’’

‘’I don’t believe that,’’ he says, and grins as he slides closer to her. ‘’I believe in love, though. And I’m not opposed to finding it.’’

She rolls her eyes at him, but she doesn’t push him away. Maybe she doesn’t believe in having a relationship with someone who’s not her soulmate, but Tony is sure that doesn’t mean that she won’t spend a night with him. She’s pretty, after all, and still young, and popular, and who knows when she’s going to meet the love of her life?

She – Lily? Laura? – lets him kiss her, and lets him bring her back to his room, and he never speaks to her again after they’re done.

Decades later, Tony wonders if she still believes in soulmates. If she’s found hers. If she would tell him the same things she had back then, were they sitting together on that beach.

~*~

He is twenty-one, and his parents are dead, and he is all alone in the world.

He stands in a room full of people who look at him expectantly and see his father’s son. Tony can only see his own trembling hands and feel the water sting in his eyes.

This was never meant to happen. If the universe has a will, if it can do something as useless as creating soulmates, why did it allow this to happen? Tony is twenty-one, and he is an orphan in a world that doesn’t care about him.

‘’My parents were the picture of a perfect soulmate couple,’’ he starts his speech, full of lies. 

These people don’t know.

His parents are buried in the ground, and they don’t look peaceful. They look dead, and Tony cries his heart out as he reads their headstones.

They were not a perfect couple – they were barely soulmates, at the end. Tony knows they’d been at the cusp of a divorce. A divorce they would’ve had years earlier, hadn’t it been for the son they had together.

Tony reads out the lies people want to hear about soulmates, and thinks that if this is what love means – if this is what soulmates are, then he may be better off without one.

~*~

‘’I love you,’’ Pepper says as they get home after that horrendous gala.

Tony drops his tie to the ground, and thinks about the relieved look in Stephen’s light blue eyes. A stab of something goes through him, and he ignores it. Instead, he meets Pepper’s eyes. She watches him from the doorway, waiting for him to say it back.

She has never doubted it, before. ‘’I love you, too,’’ he says, and comes up to kiss her.

He loves her, he does. He loves her more than anything.

‘’He doesn’t mean anything,’’ she says, gasping as Tony holds her tightly and presses them together.

‘’He’s nothing,’’ Tony says, and they tumble to the bed.

~*~

Tony is twelve, and he sees Jarvis and his wife, Ana. He loves them like he loves his own parents. Jarvis is just saying goodbye to her, and she’s smiling at him, and she kisses him soundly.

‘’Why don’t you love mom like that?’’ he asks Howard, who’s just passing by. 

Howard glances outside. Something bitter passes over his face, before it fades away into the old mask of indifference the entire family perfected years ago. They had to, in order to pretend that they’re a family in the first place.

‘’Love doesn’t always work like that, Tony,’’ he says, and goes on his way.

~*~

Stephen Strange calls only three days later. Tony picks up only the second time he calls, excusing himself from the meeting he’s in.

‘’What?’’ he hisses at the phone.

‘’ _I can’t get out of my house. There’s so much press that they’re blocking me!_ ’’

Stephen sounds annoyed, and frustrated, and Tony sighs. ‘’That happens,’’ he mutters, and moves the phone to his other hand as he glances back to the meeting. ‘’Do you really need to go wherever you’re going?’’

‘’ _I’m a neurosurgeon, Tony, people will die if I don’t go in to work!_ ’’

‘’I was just asking,’’ he says sharply, and shakes his head. ‘’Alright – don’t worry your pretty head too much about it. I’m going to send in some guys with a car and they’ll come to get you. Don’t go out and don’t answer any questions. I’m going to make some calls and make sure people know we’re not together, and try to make them leave you alone.’’

‘’ _Why would they even think that? They know you’re dating Pepper, don’t they?_ ’’ Stephen sounds sincerely confused, and Tony wishes that he could be so confused about it, too. His dating life has always been the interest of the press, especially after becoming Iron Man, and now that he’s found his soulmate – well, they’re bound to be curious.

‘’You’re my soulmate, Stephen,’’ he tells him. ‘’Even if I was married with kids, they’d be rumouring about you and me. I’m sorry, and I’ll try to make it as easy as I can on you, but you’re going to have to get used to this.’’

‘’ _That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind._ ’’

‘’What do you want me to say? Look – I think we should talk, anyway, try to make sure you’re up for this. It’ll get better, I promise, but the press knows you now. This isn’t going away, and we need to make the best of it. I’ll get someone to pick you up tomorrow around seven, will that work for you?’’

‘’ _No, it won’t._ ’’

‘’Perfect. See you then.’’

~*~

Stephen sits opposite him in reluctance. There’s a scotch standing in front of him, but he doesn’t touch it. Tony doesn’t let it bother him, and throws back his own drink. It burns in his throat, and he enjoys the way the warmth spreads through him for a while.

‘’Alright,’’ Tony says, and rises. ‘’We’re soulmates. There’s no hiding the fact. If it’d been just us, maybe we could’ve gotten away without anyone knowing, but it’s too late for that. That means: damage control.’’

‘’How are we going to manage that, exactly?’’ Stephen asks. His voice is low and wry, but his eyes follow Tony around attentively. ‘’The only damage is that we’re soulmates. That’s not something we can undo, no matter how hard we try.’’

Tony stills for a moment. Every movie he’s ever seen about soulmates, every book he’s ever read; never had someone sounded so miserable about having found a soulmate. And he’s alright with being platonic soulmates with Stephen – more relieved than anything else, actually – but to hear himself being dismissed so callously –

Well. It still feels a lot like he’s unwanted in every possible way, and he turns away.

‘’That’s true,’’ he says, and refills his glass, his back to Stephen. ‘’Damage control means we don’t let the rumours spread any further. You and I – we can’t be seen together. Whatever you do, don’t break up with your girlfriend. Parade her around as much as you can, actually. If anyone asks you about me, don’t say too much. Just make it clear that you barely know me, that we don’t see each other at all, and that we’re not remotely interested in anything. Try not to say anything that can even be slightly dragged out of context.’’

‘’So tell everyone the truth and walk around with Christine?’’ Stephen says, sounding slightly amused. ‘’That’s your big plan?’’

‘’I’ve been in this circus from the day I was born,’’ Tony tells him, turning again as he leans against the table. ‘’Trust me, it’ll get better. Just keep your head down. It’ll never go away completely, alright? Your name’s always going to be connected to mine, from now on. You better accept that fact, because they won’t make you forget. You marry your girlfriend? They’re going to ask about me. You get kids? Press is going to be there, asking about me. Just slam the door in their faces and don’t say anything. They’ll get the message soon enough.’’

‘’I never asked for a soulmate,’’ Stephen says.

Tony sets down his drink. ‘’Hey, you think I did? I’m not happy about this either, okay. I’ve got Pepper, and the soulmate thing – I’ve never wanted one. The entire concept, it’s ridiculous. So many people –‘’

‘’So many people forcing themselves to be in a relationship because society tells them that’s where they’re supposed to be,’’ Stephen finishes for him, and the look in his eyes grows gentler. He takes the drink, and takes a sip from it. ‘’It doesn’t make any sense.’’

‘’So you glow up a bit when you meet someone?’’ Tony says, sitting down, waving around his empty hand. ‘’It’s not a sign to drop whoever you’re with at that moment. Pepper’s been around for me for years – why should I let that go? My parents were soulmates, and they weren’t happy. I’m happy with her. She knows me, and I know her. It doesn’t make a damn difference whether I know you or I don’t – we’d make each other miserable, probably. My mum was miserable, you know? I’m not going to waste my life like that.’’

Stephen stares at him, and Tony realizes maybe he’s run his mouth too much. He’s babbling, nervously, so he takes another gulp. 

‘’I know what you mean,’’ the man says, still looking him in the eye. ‘’My father left my mother because he met his soulmate. He broke her heart and left her struggling with two kids and without a job.’’

Tony nods vigorously. ‘’It doesn’t make anyone less of an asshole,’’ he declares. ‘’It doesn’t make anyone happy. You have to work at relationships – just because you’re soulmates doesn’t mean that it’s magically going to be alright. Why? Because the universe says so? That’s not right.’’

Stephen tilts his head, and then raises his scotch. ‘’To platonic soulmates,’’ he says wryly.

Tony raises his own and clinks them together. ‘’To platonic soulmates,’’ he says, and finishes his drink.

~*~

Tony is twenty-six, and he’s just hired Pepper Potts.

She doesn’t look like she’s going to take his bullshit, and he tilts his head and wonders what life is going to be like now that she’s in it.

~*~

‘’Mr Stark!’’ one of the reporters calls out, when he leaves home. He puts on his sunglasses, though it’s raining outside, and keeps on walking, working through the masses. Pepper walks by his side, her face stoic. ‘’Mr Stark! Are you dating Stephen Strange now?’’

Tony takes Pepper’s hand and continues walking, letting her into the car first before settling down next to her and shutting the car door. He sighs and rubs his eyes.

‘’They’re never going to let this go, are they?’’ he mutters.

Pepper looks towards him. ‘’It’s been three weeks,’’ she says. ‘’It’s a huge deal. There’s not a lot of people who find their soulmate, Tony. It’s natural for them to wonder why you’re not acting on it.’’

‘’No, it’s not,’’ he snaps, as the car starts moving. ‘’I’ve been dating you for years. They actually think I care little enough about you to just drop that and let you go for a guy I’ve spoken to twice?’’

‘’He’s your soulmate,’’ Pepper stresses.

‘’And you’re _you_ ,’’ Tony says, and takes her hand as he calms down. ‘’Pepper, I love you. You mean more to me than anyone ever has. After Afghanistan – you’re the reason I am who I am today. I don’t care about Stephen Strange. The universe may have decided he’s the best fit for me, but guess what? The universe doesn’t get a final say in that. I do.’’

She tilts her head at him, her gaze softening as she leans in for a kiss. ‘’I know,’’ she says, and shifts closer to him. ‘’I love you, too.’’

~*~

Tony is in a cave, and he’s wondering if he’ll ever get out of there.

‘’So you’re a man who has everything,’’ Yinsen says, looking at him quietly, ‘’and nothing.’’

Tony smiles deprecatingly as he shrugs. Maybe there is a soulmate out for him there, but he can only think about one person. He doesn’t want a soulmate, anyway – if she’s waiting for him, maybe that is enough.

It’s more than he deserves, certainly. 

~*~

The weeks pass into months, and Tony doesn’t hear from Stephen often. He gets a call when the press gets too annoying, and he sends in some bodyguards, but he doesn’t meet with his soulmate in person. Things calm down slowly but steadily, and Tony gets back into his old life with Pepper.

Something has shifted, though. He can’t pin what it is, but he knows that something happened – an awareness that there are other powers in the universe. Pepper looks differently at him, despite the fact that Tony doesn’t feel changed. It’s as if a cloud has come over him – and the cloud’s name is Stephen Strange.

Tony doesn’t believe in soulmates, but he’s aware that Pepper does. Maybe not as forcefully as the rest of society, but he knows that there is a part of here that thinks of Strange when even Tony doesn’t. Tony does not feel any differently about her, but she is thinking. The gears in her head shifting, re-evaluating everything that happens around them.

Tony wonders what conclusions she is coming to, and is afraid to ask.

~*~

He runs into him entirely by accident. Their social circles are slightly different, but then again, Tony runs in a lot of circles. Maybe he should have expected to meet Stephen once again at a science conference. He could have expected it – there is a medical part to it. Tony just honestly hadn’t thought of Stephen, especially after the little contact they have had.

‘’Tony?’’ he hears beside him, just to find Stephen frowning at him. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

Tony finds himself standing up straighter. Stephen looks good – a nice suit hugging his figure, his eyes clear and sharp. He’s not entirely prepared to see his soulmate.

‘’Hey,’’ he waves and wants to smack himself immediately afterwards. ‘’I’m – uh, I have a talk, here. We’re investing in medical equipment, you see, there’s a new line of – oh well, lots of stuff. Let me save you from me blabbering about it, I’m already going to have to do that in an hour. You’re here to listen?’’

‘’I actually have a talk as well,’’ Stephen says, and takes out some notes to emphasize his words. ‘’I could come to see yours, however. Mine is not until a bit later tonight, but Christine wanted to get here early to listen to some other doctors.’’

Tony forces a smile on his face. ‘’She’s here as well? Fun date. How are the two of you doing?’’

‘’Remarkably well,’’ Stephen says. ‘’She’s just listening to a talk that I wasn’t particularly interested in. You and Pepper –‘’

‘’Yeah, we’re doing good. Just peachy.’’

‘’Oh. Good.’’

An awkward silence hangs between them for a few seconds. Tony can see Stephen grimacing at it – he’s ready to turn away. ‘’Do you want to have a drink?’’ he asks. ‘’I mean – rescue me from all these stuffy doctors. If I have to shake any more hands, I’m going to run and just disappoint the people who invited me here.’’

Stephen grins. ‘’I think I can save you for a while,’’ he says, peering around the room. Tony means what he said, in a way. He’s a celebrity, meaning that lots of people want to approach him for an autograph or a picture. He doesn’t mind, normally, but it gets exasperating after a while. Besides – just because Stephen and he are soulmates doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. 

‘’You’re my hero,’’ he says, fluttering his eyelashes exaggeratedly. ‘’Lead the way, doctor Strange.’’

Stephen rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t seem to mind coming to the bar with Tony. ‘’You’re paying, by the way,’’ he tells him good-humouredly, and Tony enjoys seeing the glint in his eyes. ‘’I’m living on a meagre pay check.’’

‘’Oh, that’s why you’re helping me out?’’ Tony jokes. ‘’Free drinks? I feel hurt, honestly, just betrayed.’’

‘’Well, I’m your shield against the vultures of the medical world,’’ Stephen shrugs, and steps away just to prove that he can. ‘’I could leave, of course, and watch them surround you.’’

Tony grasps Stephen by his sleeve and pulls him onto a chair. ‘’Two glasses of whiskey, please,’’ he tells the barman, and ignores the doctor’s sincere laughter.

~*~ 

Tony is home from Afghanistan, and Pepper is waiting for him with red-rimmed eyes and biting her lower lip.

At that moment, he knows that he is in love with her.

~*~

‘’Isn’t this risky?’’ Stephen asks him quietly as he leans against the bar. ‘’Us sitting around here, drinking together? I don’t want the press on my front door again, tomorrow. You said that we’re not supposed to meet each other.’’

Tony shrugs, clinging to his drink. ‘’Maybe not,’’ he says honestly. ‘’It’s been – five months now? We’re not news anymore. Besides, we’re still soulmates. Even if we decide not to do anything about that, there’s no reason for us to avoid each other.’’

There’s a steady humming coming from the crowd, and they sit together in silence. ‘’I’m sorry if I was an asshole about this before,’’ Stephen tells him with a slight tilt of his lips. ‘’I just never thought about what I’d do if I met my soulmate. Perhaps I was a bit harsh.’’

Tony looks away. It’s peaceful, in a way, sitting here together. There’s no need for them to be anything but two men enjoying a drink together – nothing to do with soulmates. Just two guys who happened to meet. That’s all.

‘’Neither of us had any great experiences with soulmates,’’ he answers eventually. ‘’You didn’t want to meet yours, and I didn’t want to meet mine. We’re allowed to choose who we love, and we have. That’s all there is to it. I guess that’s what we’re soulmates for, maybe – we wouldn’t have been paired up if we didn’t want the same things, in some way. Maybe we’re soulmates precisely for the fact that we’re the only ones who don’t want one.’’

Stephen goes pensive for a few seconds. ‘’I guess,’’ he says.

~*~

Tony watches Stephen reunite with Christine from the bar. He misses Pepper, suddenly, but in a detached way. He’s not quite sure how to feel about that as he sees Stephen kiss his girlfriend – his hands on her face, her smiling into his lips as she holds onto his waist.

They look good together, he decides.

Stephen doesn’t look back towards the bar when he disappears with her. Tony didn’t expect him to – but maybe some sign of friendship would have been nice. He is not close with Stephen, not nearly enough to consider him a friend. Being soulmates means nothing, they’ve agreed.

And yet. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised that Stephen isn’t his audience, when he gives his talk. They’re nothing but strangers who happen to be soulmates, after all. They’re nothing, and Stephen is nothing to him.

And yet.

~*~

‘’Mr Stark, did you hear that Stephen Strange is engaged?’’ someone shouts at him during a press conference. ‘’What does that mean for your relationship to him?’’

Tony wonders what relationship they’re talking about, and ignores the question.

~*~

He waits for two weeks before he can’t help himself, and makes the call.

‘’Congratulations on the engagement,’’ he says by way of greeting, and can’t explain the way his heart starts beating louder. 

The other line is silent for a while. ‘’ _Thank you. What are you calling for, Tony?_ ’’

The point is, Tony doesn’t know. He’s completely in the dark about why Stephen’s engagement is affecting him so much. Maybe it’s the fact that this is his soulmate, and against everything he’s ever heard about soulmates, his doesn’t want him.

Tony doesn’t love Stephen Strange. But maybe it’s a bitter pill to swallow, nonetheless. He knows it’s hypocritical and it’s nothing he can explain, but he feels hollow. Still – Stephen is his soulmate, and that means that Tony cares, no matter what. ‘’I just wanted to congratulate you,’’ he says. ‘’Hey, you know, if you want to go on a nice honeymoon, you should try Fiji. It’s very romantic, I assure you, perfect for a newly-wed couple to spend a few weeks.’’

‘’ _I’ll keep it in mind_ ,’’ Stephen tells him, and even over the phone, he sounds amused. It’s as if he is just humouring Tony. Maybe he is – Stephen has never sought him out, like this. He’s only ever called Tony for help with the press, and run into him accidentally. 

Tony closes his eyes. ‘’You should. Bye, Stephen.’’

‘’ _Tony, wait._ ’’

He opens them again. ‘’Yeah?’’

‘’ _It’s not – I’m sorry about – never mind. Bye, Tony._ ’’

The phone clicks and it goes back to his home screen. Tony stares at the picture of Pepper smiling broadly, and cannot explain why he feels hollow.

~*~

Months go by without Tony hearing from Stephen. It’s almost enough for him to forget he has a soulmate at all, if it wasn’t for the way his relationship with Pepper is souring.

They both pretend it’s not, but Tony isn’t an idiot. He knows he is keeping her on borrowed time, and he’s trying to make the most of it.

He thinks about buying a ring. He decides that won’t solve anything.

After three months, he gets an unexpected phone call. He takes the call and listens, his eyebrows creasing as the person on the other side continues to talk. His breathing deepens in worry as he considers all the possible difficulties.

‘’Thanks for telling me,’’ he says, ‘’I’m going to be there as soon as I can.’’

He takes the suit, just to get there faster.

~*~

Stephen Strange is sitting awfully still, when Tony enters. Rain clatters against the windows, but it is not enough to mask Tony’s footsteps. Stephen doesn’t look up at him, though – he just sits there, silently. Waiting.

‘’Hey,’’ Tony says awkwardly. Stephen looks like a mess – unshaven, dark shadows under his eyes. His hands tremble as he holds them up, and he looks from them towards Tony. It’s almost painful to see the quiet desperation in his eyes.

‘’Christine sent you, didn’t she?’’ he asks, his voice low and raw. He stands up, and the chair scrapes over the floor. 

Tony shrugs and takes a step closer. He’s never been in Stephen’s apartment before. ‘’Yeah,’’ he answers. ‘’So, uh – car accident, she said. I’m sorry. Is there anything –‘’

‘’Not unless you can give me back my hands,’’ Stephen says, and turns away from him to look at the rain. A humourless laugh wrecks through his body. ‘’And you can’t. So why are you here?’’

‘’Because Christine is worried,’’ Tony says carefully. ‘’If you don’t want me here, I can go.’’

‘’Of course I don’t want you here,’’ Stephen snaps, turning back wildly. ‘’And you don’t want to be here, do you? Playing the perfect soulmate, aren’t you? The only thing that you care about is your reputation – your perfect relationship, and your perfect superhero existence, and all of us mere mortals are beneath you! You don’t care about my work or my hands, and you don’t care about me, and you _should stop pretending_. You’re not a hero, Stark, and we’re not soulmates, we’re just two guys that the universe decided to have a laugh about!’’

Tony is silent for a few long moments as Stephen is heaving. ‘’Are you done?’’ he asks.

Stephen shakes his head, sitting down again as he lays his shaking hands on the table. He looks at them darkly, and even from a distance, Tony can see the white scars. He is no doctor, but he knows that those will never go away – he has known scars ever since he got some for himself.

‘’You should leave,’’ Stephen says tiredly.

‘’Do you want me to, or do you think I should?’’ Tony asks pointedly. He wants to come closer – to comfort Stephen, maybe, but he’s not sure he’s wanted. He’s not sure of anything concerning Stephen, right now, and he doesn’t want to presume. On a certain level, the doctor is right. Tony is here for reasons he can’t explain, and the only one he can think of is that he is supposed to – Stephen is hurt, and Tony wants to help.

‘’You should leave,’’ Stephen repeats. ‘’Tony, please.’’

Tony draws a breath and stands up straighter, putting his own hands in his pocket as he regards Stephen. ‘’Alright,’’ he says calmly. ‘’I’ll go. Just – I know we said platonic, Stephen. I stand by that decision, and I know you do too. That doesn’t mean that we have to pretend not to be soulmates. If you need my help, I’ll be here.’’

‘’Because you’re my soulmate,’’ Stephen drawls.

‘’Because I want to help you,’’ Tony says.

‘’You want to help me because I’m your soulmate. It doesn’t _count_.’’

Tony grimaces, and he doesn’t know what to say. He knows that Stephen is his soulmate, of course, and that may be part of the reason he’s here – but then he thinks about running into him at the conference, and it hadn’t been forced or awkward. They’d had fun, and Tony likes Stephen. They can be friends, perhaps.

‘’Just – call me,’’ he says, and tries not to feel unwanted as he leaves and closes the door behind him. He leans against it, breathing out as he tries to calm himself. A loud crash comes from the room he just left, and he can hear Stephen swear. For a moment, he contemplates going back in, but he refrains himself. Stephen doesn’t want him there, and Tony will respect that.

He leaves.

~*~

Stephen doesn’t call. Tony doesn’t try to reach out anymore. The press doesn’t ask about Stephen any longer, discouraged by the lack of answers they’ve received so far. 

He is only relieved that he doesn’t have to think about the defeated man with scarred hands anymore. He doesn’t need the memories on top of the guilt.

~*~

Pepper sits before him, holding his hands. Her eyes are kind and soft, and Tony knows that his time is over. It doesn’t hurt as much as it should – maybe it isn’t just her fault, that everything has changed. Maybe he does not feel about her the way he did before. It’s not fair to either of them. 

He really thought he’d grow old with her. He really did.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ she says eventually, rubbing his knuckles. ‘’I just think it’s better, this way.’’

‘’You’re the only one I’ve ever loved,’’ Tony tells her. She turns away her head, closing her eyes.

‘’Tony –‘’

‘’I’m not saying that to make you stay. I’m saying it because it’s true.’’

She nods quietly, and lets go of his hands. ‘’And you’ll find someone else. I’m sure of it.’’

Tony grimaces. Pepper sees that he’s not going to say anymore, and stands to leave. He doesn’t go after her as the door falls shut behind her, though he can feel himself trembling . Here he is, alone and unwanted. Pepper does not love him anymore – and he’s not in love with her, he’s not, and maybe he hasn’t been for months, but that doesn’t make it any easier – and he has no one left.

He thinks of the last time he saw Stephen, months ago. He wonders how his soulmate is doing. If he’s found a way to deal with his scars, and if he’s married Christine yet. If he went to Fiji.

If he’s thinking about Tony, too.

It doesn’t matter. Tony rises to get himself a drink.

~*~

Tony is seven years old, and he doesn’t know why his father doesn’t love his mother.

He is twelve years old, and he understands that his father loves his mother, but doesn’t know how to show it. He knows that they will never work that out, and that they will forever make each other miserable.

He is sixteen years old, and everyone around him believes more in soulmates than he allows himself to.

He is twenty-one years old, and he knows that he is lying about what love truly is to a crowd that prefers lies over the bitter truth.

~*~

Tony’s life doesn’t stop turning. He may be lonelier without Pepper, but she remains his friend. He still has Rhodey and Happy, and some of the Avengers contact him sometimes. He invents and he watches. He finds out about a kid that’s playing superhero on the street – Spider-Man, he calls himself, and Tony figures out his actual name in under an hour – and asks FRIDAY to keep tabs on him. They may need him, one day.

He has a meeting at MIT, and has to do a talk. Pepper was supposed to come with him, and thinking about her still hurts. He smiles through the pain.

A woman confronts him with her dead son, and Tony just looks at the photograph and doesn’t know how he came to be this again – a man with everything and nothing –

A man who loved and lost anyway.

~*~

_Are you okay?_

He doesn’t want to text Stephen, but he can’t help himself. Stephen made himself abundantly clear the last time Tony saw him.

He doesn’t expect the text back when he gets it, a few days later.

_Getting better._

There’s nothing else. Tony doesn’t know what to say, and Stephen doesn’t seem eager to offer more information, so he doesn’t send anything back. He feels lighter, though.

~*~

The Avengers break up. The old part of his team hides away; Tony is left with a paralyzed friend and a heart-broken android (and the guilt, of course. Always the guilt). Steve disappears with the remnants of the Avengers and leaves him a note and a phone.

And Tony, for the first time in his life, doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t have a goal to work towards; he doesn’t have a relationship to mend; he doesn’t have the Avengers to be a hero. All he can do is help Rhodey walk again and work on the suit. Also, he puts Happy on the kid. Peter Parker seems to be struck by hero-worship, and Tony likes the kid, but he’s not –

He’s not what Peter imagines him to be, and he can’t deal with that.

So he works and sits by himself and doesn’t know what he’s running towards, until Stephen Strange knocks on his door again.

~*~

‘’You look –‘’ Tony starts, and frowns as he finds himself looking over Stephen. 

‘’Amazing?’’ Stephen tries to finish for him, and grins wryly.

‘’I was going to say that you look different. But sure, if you want to go fishing for compliments.’’

He turns his back on his soulmate for a moment. They’re alone in the Avengers Compound; the kitchen is silent as he turns on the coffee machine. Stephen does look different – very different. The Cloak on his shoulders swirls by itself, and Stephen’s eyes are clear and sharp. He isn’t clean-shaven anymore, but it suits him. He isn’t the broken man that Tony saw, months and months ago. He’s something else entirely.

‘’I heard about the Avengers,’’ Stephen says in the quiet.

Tony rests his hands on the kitchen counter and tries not to look as shaken as he feels. ‘’I’m sure you did,’’ he mutters. ‘’Are you going to tell me what happened to you?’’

Stephen’s smile is fleeting and absent-minded. ‘’I’m here on business,’’ he states. ‘’I’ve become – well, the short version is that I became a sorcerer.’’

Tony wants to ignore it. He really does – standing here in an empty kitchen with the soulmate that doesn’t want him (that he doesn’t want, either, but it still feels wrong) with the crappy coffee that Natasha used to drink isn’t his idea of a fun time. 

‘’Tell me,’’ he says. 

‘’It’s a long story, and you may not believe all of it,’’ Stephen warns him. 

Tony levels him with a glare. Stephen doesn’t seem impressed, but that’s his problem. There is nothing that Tony Stark can’t get, if he has decided upon it. ‘’That’s up to me to decide, don’t you think?’’ he says. ‘’I’ve seen a lot of weird stuff. If I won’t believe you, then who will?’’

There is a long moment of silence as Stephen regards him. With a single nod, he sits down.

It may not be an ideal situation, but at least he isn’t alone.

~*~

Pepper comes around when Tony is working on a new design for Rhodey’s prosthetic leg. He can hear her typing in her password, but doesn’t turn. The clicking of her heels on the floor is enough of a confirmation that it’s her, and she’s never needed him to pay attention in order to talk to him.

‘’Are you still working?’’ she asks, and there’s a hint of something melancholic in her voice. Maybe that’s just Tony hearing things, though. 

He still doesn’t turn. ‘’Aren’t I always?’’ he says.

‘’Tony –‘’ she starts, and cuts herself off with a sigh. She has lost the privilege to make him stop – they both know it. ‘’Just shower, once in a while. Go to bed, eat something. The world doesn’t rest on your shoulders, you know.’’

Except that it always feels like it does. With the Avengers gone, he’s carrying the burden by himself. And unfortunately, he’s not doing as good of a job of it as he’d wanted. He turns to her now, and the sight of her familiar eyes and her uncertain stance don’t hurt as much as they used to.

‘’I’m just going to get some coffee,’’ he says, passing her by.

He can feel her eyes on him – calculating, uncertain. She walks away, though, leaving him in a lab devoid of people and full of thoughts.

She always walks away.

~*~

‘’You and Christine –‘’

‘’That’s over. For obvious reasons, perhaps.’’

‘’I guess. Superhero business?’’

‘’Among other things. Pepper and –‘’

‘’Same things. It just – it’s not –‘’

‘’Tony. I understand completely.’’

~*~

They get the call at three in the morning. Tony was already awake, so he puts on the suit and makes his way to where he’s told to go. The slimy creatures that they’re supposed to stop have already been out there for an hour – but with the Accords, it took a while for them to come to a conclusion.

Tony feels his heart weigh heavily in his chest when he sees the destroyed streets. Of course the Accords were necessary, he is convinced of that, but it goes to show that everything has its consequences.

To his surprise, Stephen stands there when he arrives. He has never seen his soulmate like this; pure look of concentration on his face as his hands make complicated gestures in the sky, allowing them to trap one of the larger creatures in an orange cell made out of magic. Tony can only stare for a while. The white scars on Stephen’s hands stand out, but he holds them steady. 

He knows the story, of course, but it’s different to see it in front of him.

He lands next to Stephen. ‘’Need some help?’’

‘’You’re rather late to the party,’’ Stephen remarks, but it’s without any heat. He glances towards Tony while keeping up the shield – the Cloak waves at him, and Tony waves back.

‘’Yeah, I wasn’t called in until five minutes ago,’’ he retorts, but the guilt is back. ‘’You can go home now, by the way, Rhodey and Vision are coming out to help in just a minute. I doubt Ross is going to be happy if he finds out there’s unregistered heroes helping out.’’

‘’I don’t care for that,’’ Stephen says, and with a quick movement of his hand, one of his orange entrapments cuts the head right off the slimy creature. He grins in response to Tony’s raised eyebrow. ‘’The earthly world is not my domain – the mystical realm is. Ross has no hold over me.’’

But oh, this man has become infuriating. ‘’It’s not your decision,’’ Tony says. ‘’The Avengers have been called in.’’

‘’As happy as I would be to stand aside and see you attempt to manage this,’’ Stephen starts, ‘’these things were sent to annoy me. Someone is trying to steal a relic from the Sanctum and thought this would be a good diversion.’’

‘’What, someone sent you slimy creatures? Stephen, you really have to make a list of what you want next time or people will start thinking you like this kind of gift.’’

‘’Hilarious. Now, are you going to arrest me or finally help out? I assure you, the first won’t work out as well as you may hope.’’

Tony sighs. The creatures are slowly coming closer, and Stephen’s eyes are on his. He will not leave, Tony is certain of that – and he can’t arrest him. He doesn’t want to, either. Ross will give him hell if he finds out that someone else saved the day alongside him, but he can deal with that later.

‘’Just don’t get in the way,’’ he says.

‘’I’ll try,’’ Stephen answers dryly, shaking his head as Tony flies up into the air.

~*~

They work remarkably well together.

~*~

The Avengers form into something – well, something less easily definable. Of the core Avengers, only Tony, Rhodey and Vision are left. He doesn’t know where Bruce or Thor are, and Steve’s gang is still on the run.

He’s well aware where they are. He just chooses not to share that information with Ross, knowing that no good will come of it.

There’s Peter, but Tony is hesitant to call him an official Avenger – the boy has grown on him more than he could have ever imagined, but he’s still so young and innocent, despite what Peter may think of himself. Tony wants to keep him out of the big trouble for a while longer.

There’s T’Challa, who’s mostly concerned with his own kingdom but helps out for the bigger problems, and there’s a man called Ant-Man who does not join them but helps out with certain issues on his own. Tony doesn’t try to enlist him, but his help is appreciated nonetheless. Heroes who aren’t Avengers come out to assist and Tony does not even try to arrest them, to Ross' annoyance.

He’s busy rewriting the Sokovia Accords and all it entails, and it’s slow-going though rewarding. The rules are being moulded into something more easily tolerable and he knows that it is worth every effort to keep his world safe. So he sits and he argues and Pepper is on his side, and they have learnt to be friends again after all those years. And other battles, he fights with whoever answers his calls.

He is slowly starting to feel part of the burden disappear.

Most of it is due to the Sanctum. Stephen Strange and his bunch of sorcerers are the most capable people out there, and whenever they join a fight, Tony knows that it’s going to end well and with minimum damage. They don’t always join – it’s not always their battle, after all – but if Tony could get anyone on the team, it’d be Stephen.

Not that Stephen wants to be on the team, and not that Tony would ask him. It’s just nice to have his help, once in a while.

If their new roles as team leaders bring them somewhat closer together –

Well. What can Tony say about that?

~*~

Stephen catches Tony out of the sky when his suit is damaged too badly to stay up. It’s very unexpected – one moment he’s trying to get his thrusters to work again, the other he’s staring at a far too self-satisfied grin.

‘’You owe me,’’ he smirks.

Tony rolls his eyes. ‘’Let’s get the monster, and we’ll see what we can do about that,’’ he says.

~*~

Peter gets into some trouble, and Happy doesn’t notice. Tony isn’t in the country at the moment, but decides to come back to help him out.

It almost doesn’t end well. Tony doesn’t realize how much he cares about the teenager until he’s afraid it won’t. He offers Peter a spot on the Avengers, after his adventure –

only to have the kid refuse.

He doesn’t exactly mean to grow closer to Peter. It is just something that happens. Peter is all the best of the future, all bravery and wittiness and smarts and joy, and Tony wants to protect it. Doesn’t want to see him grow up too quickly. Besides, the kid doesn’t have much family left, and neither does Tony, so doesn’t think much of letting Peter spend time with him instead. It’s fun for the both of them, and Tony didn’t know he needed this.

Peter, like the spider that he is, webs a way into his heart.

~*~

Tony shields Stephen from a blast that the sorcerer saw too late. Stephen sits still under the shield made of armour with Tony, his eyes still wide.

‘’Now who owes who?’’ he says cheerfully, though his arm is straining under the force of the blast. 

‘’Technically, we’re even now,’’ Stephen points out.

‘’Where’s the fun in that?’’ Tony asks, winking before he flies off again.

~*~

Rhodey starts looking at him oddly whenever they talk about their allies and Stephen comes up. His friend knows fully well who Tony’s soulmate is – the entire world knows, they just don’t know that Stephen Strange is the sorcerer who helps them out sometimes – and Tony, in turn, knows exactly what Rhodey is thinking.

‘’You’re an idiot for not going after him,’’ he says.

Tony shrugs and tries not to think about it that way. ‘’We said platonic,’’ he says. ‘’Stephen hasn’t changed his mind.’’

‘’How do you know?’’ Rhodey demands.

Tony doesn’t – he just knows that it’s always like that. Stephen has never wanted him, and this won’t change any of it.

~*~

It’s slightly unexpected to find Stephen standing in his living room late at night. Tony’s used to things being unexpected, though, so he doesn’t startle as badly as he might have otherwise.

‘’I have a heart condition, don’t drop by like that,’’ he says upon finding Stephen there. ‘’You could just, you know, ring, I know that you still have my number.’’

‘’This way is more fun,’’ Stephen tells him. ‘’And you don’t have a heart condition anymore.’’

‘’Well, I’ll get one again if you keep doing this.’’

‘’That’s not how it works, Tony.’’

Tony just shrugs at him and falls on his couch. He just wanted a quiet night. ‘’Why are you here?’’

Stephen is silent for a long while, but he sits next to Tony. It’s a bit suspicious, but he’s hardly one to turn away someone just because. So they sit there calmly, waiting for the right words to come to either one of them.

Tony’s drumming his fingers on his own leg, because he’s notoriously bad at sitting still. He’d turn on the television, but Stephen looks like he’s dreaming. 

‘’I don’t know why I’m here,’’ Stephen says eventually. ‘’But I – want to be here. Just – sitting here. Is that okay?’’

It’s not the first time that Tony has seen Stephen, obviously, but it’s the first time he’s heard him so open. His eyes are the lightest blue, and Tony has to stop himself from swallowing.

He should say no. If he wants to stop whatever’s going on – he should say no, and save them both a lot of trouble. Tony has never wanted a soulmate, and neither has Stephen.

‘’Sure,’’ he says.

~*~

Something shifts. 

Stephen searches out Tony more often – and Tony starts doing the same thing. They text and they fight bad guys, and in the quiet moments, they just sit together. Sometimes they talk, and Tony finds out a lot that he didn’t know. The reason that Stephen became a doctor – the reason he felt he didn’t do a good enough job. The reason he became arrogant and lost himself in the work.

They talk about scars and about soulmates and about family.

Tony doesn’t mean to, but he falls.

~*~

‘’Mr Stark, what do you think about soulmates?’’ Peter asks one day when he’s in the workshop with Tony, and Tony freezes.

The teenager only looks at him with curiosity – there’s no hint of him going for something else, and Peter’s not so cruel as to hold the whole soulmate-business against him. Tony thinks that Peter doesn’t know about his soulmate being Stephen – the press was all over it, but that doesn’t mean Peter followed any of that. It’s been a few years now, after all.

‘’I think that people shouldn’t let their happiness depend on soulmates,’’ he says carefully. He doesn’t want to be too bitter about any of it – his parents, Pepper walking out on him, Stephen who doesn’t want him. 

Peter shifts from where he’s sitting. ‘’But they’re meant for each other, right?’’ he presses. ‘’I think – there’s this girl in high school, and she’s my soulmate. But I don’t – she doesn’t sound as happy about it. I don’t know if she even wants anything.’’

Tony sits opposite him, one hand on Peter’s shoulder. ‘’Kid, if there’s one thing I know, it is that being soulmates doesn’t mean that everything’s going to be perfect from now on,’’ he says. ‘’You found her – that’s good for you. But do you _like_ her? Do you like her for who she is – would you have liked her if you didn’t know she was your soulmate? Maybe her experiences with soulmates aren’t as great as yours. Either way, you’re going to have to talk about it.’’

Peter quietly nods. ‘’I just know that Ben and May were so happy,’’ he mumbles. ‘’I thought, if I found that – I could be just as happy as they were.’’

Without a warning, he brings Peter in for a quick hug. ‘’You will be,’’ Tony promises.

~*~

Stephen appears in his workshop when he’s been there for too many hours, unable to stop himself from working. Tony isn’t even fazed by it anymore – the portal disappears quietly and with it always comes a sorcerer who wordlessly asks him the same question over and over again.

Tony meets Stephen’s eyes for barely a second before averting his gaze. This entire time that Stephen has been coming around – Tony is drawn to him like he is to little else. Their banters during fights, their quiet moments in between, and all the while the promise to remain platonic hanging in between them.

So much has changed in the past few years, since he found out Stephen was his soulmate, and now he’s stuck.

‘’Are you alright?’’ Stephen asks, apparently sensing Tony’s mood. He’s far closer when Tony looks up again, and the concern is plain on his face. ‘’Should I leave?’’

‘’Do you want to leave?’’ Tony asks.

Stephen tenses for a long moment, before shaking his head. ‘’No. No, I don’t want to leave.’’

‘’What do you want, exactly?’’

It’s not a question he dared to ask before. Before – before everything, when he only cared about Stephen in the oh-wait-he’s-my-soulmate way. Before, when Tony watched Stephen tell about a drowned sister and torn parents and all the ways soulmates could go wrong. When he saw the white scars on shaking hands, and was yelled at to leave.

When Stephen accused him of only caring about him because they were soulmates, and Tony doesn’t have that excuse anymore. He wants Stephen because of this thing between them, not because their hands glowed once upon a time, when they first met.

He wants Stephen despite that, and the difficulties it would bring.

‘’I don’t know what I want.’’

The confession is quiet, but Stephen’s low voice rumbles and echoes in the lab. With the question, however, Tony has lost the ability to crawl back. He needs to know.

‘’You do know. Tell me.’’

Stephen inhales sharply and moves around the lab, not looking Tony in the eyes. His long fingers linger on the working benches, slowly removing the dust from long-forgotten parts that have lied around for too long. His Cloak swirls behind him. This way, he slowly moves towards Tony until he’s standing right in front of him, large as life. Tony feels his heart beating loudly but doesn’t back down.

With a slow movement, obvious enough for Tony to stop him, Stephen brings his hands to Tony’s arms. His fingers steadily move towards his back and up to his neck, until Stephen is holding him tightly. Still, their eye contact doesn’t break.

Stephen lets out a shuddering breath. ‘’Is that enough of an answer?’’ he asks wryly.

Tony lifts his eyebrows. ‘’If you need to ask –‘’

He’s broken off by Stephen’s lips on his. It’s not exactly the worst way to be shut up – Stephen’s fingers dug into his scalp and tug at his hair, and he moves his own hands to Stephen’s waist, effectively trapping him where he stands. It takes them a few moments to come up for breath again.

‘’We said platonic,’’ Stephen mutters, but he doesn’t seem to care much as he brings Tony closer to him, smashing their mouths together like a man drowning.

Tony doesn’t stop him. ‘’Bit too late for that now,’’ he wheezes in between kisses.

Stephen doesn’t stop holding him, but his embrace softens as he pulls away. ‘’It’s not, is it?’’ he asks, and his voice is low and rough and far gentler than Tony has ever heard of him. Perhaps it is a good night for all kinds of stuff Tony has never seen from Stephen before – the possibilities open up before him, but it’s still much to hope for.

They’re soulmates, but that doesn’t say anything. They both learnt that the hard way, long ago.

‘’I don’t know,’’ he says pointedly. He should leave, maybe – he doesn’t want to hear Stephen repeat the words they said years ago, at that gala. When Stephen hadn’t been a sorcerer and loved Christine. When Tony had a team, and loved Pepper. All the years between them, and so much changed. He wonders if there’s enough that has changed. ‘’It all depends on what you want.’’

‘’Things you’re willing to give?’’ Stephen asks. ‘’You’re not doing this because –‘’

‘’Because what?’’ Tony snaps, and now he does loosen himself from Stephen’s hold. ‘’Contrary to what you may think, I don’t just hang out with you because we’re soulmates, Stephen. I’m not selfish enough to stop you from doing this – I want this. I’ve wanted it for a long time, maybe. We said we were platonic, and we were okay with that. If that’s what you still want, that’s fine, but then don’t go – you can’t insinuate that I’m only doing this because we’re soulmates, Stephen. If I cared about us being soulmates, I’d be as far away from you as I possibly could be. The reason I’m doing this is because I care. I’ve always cared.’’

Stephen takes a deep breath and draws himself up to his full height. ‘’I didn’t say that,’’ he says quietly.

‘’But you were thinking it. And you will always doubt it, won’t you? Even if we were doing – this, whatever this is –‘’ Tony waves around with his hands, trying to get his point across, ‘’whatever this is, you would always doubt that it’s because I could care. You’d think I only cared because we’re soulmates, it’s meant to be, whatever crap that is supposed to be. You think we’re only doing this because somehow, I’m under the impression that we’re supposed to.’’

He’s almost shouting, at the end. Stephen regards him, and Tony has a hard time reading him. A new thing, once again – he’s never seen him look this emotionless, and it’s only because he’s shielding what he’s thinking. He knows Stephen well enough to say that by now, certainly.

‘’All my life,’’ Stephen slowly starts, and his gaze does not waver, ‘’people have told me that soulmates are supposed to be together. I saw my parents ripped apart by that very idea. My mother loved my father, and he met his soulmate and left – didn’t even hesitate about it. Just because his skin glowed when he touched someone, he abandoned his wife and two children. When my sister died – he didn’t care. He had a new family to care about, and we were just scraps. All because soulmates are supposed to be together. Because somehow, that’s more important than who you choose to love.’’

‘’But I don’t want to choose anyone else,’’ Tony says, and he doesn’t even care about how honest he is being right now. ‘’I don’t want anyone else. Not now – maybe not ever. And it’s not because we’re soulmates. It’s because of how I feel about you.’’

‘’Would you have even considered it, had we not been soulmates?’’ Stephen asks. ‘’It complicates things. I – the thing is, I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how it could end happily.’’

‘’It won’t if you’re not willing to work for it,’’ Tony tells him. ‘’Or try it, in the first place.’’

Stephen is remarkably silent. Tony just turns his back and shakes his head. He doesn’t want to deal with this – he didn’t start this. He didn’t ask for it. And once again, Stephen doesn’t want him, but in whole another way.

‘’Tony –‘’

‘’Maybe you should leave,’’ he bitterly interrupts his soulmate. ‘’It’d be for the best.’’

He doesn’t look up, but he knows the sizzling sound of the portal well enough by now. Only the ashy residue is left on the floor, next time he lifts his gaze.

Tony works through the night and doesn’t mention it again.

~*~

If Stephen doesn’t come back for the next two weeks, Tony doesn’t comment on it. They don’t talk, and Tony just ignores it whenever someone mentions him. Pepper notices, but she knows enough not to ask. Rhodey is more stubborn, and shakes his head in worry whenever Tony interrupts any conversation about Stephen less than subtly.

Tony has never done anything subtly in his life. He’s not about to start now.

Peter finds his soulmate, at least, and they seem to be talking through things. He’s brighter and happier, and Tony means to find out anything he can about this girl. For now, he’ll leave them in their honeymoon phase. They’ll learn soon enough that being soulmates doesn’t make anything easier.

Or maybe it’s just his bad luck that spoils everything.

~*~

‘’Do you think you’re ever going to meet your soulmate?’’ he asks Pepper when they are by themselves. ‘’Is that why you left? Or did you leave because of Stephen? Because you know that’s not going to happen.’’

She frowns at him. Maybe he’s drunk a bit too much – maybe he hasn’t drunk quite enough yet. Tony isn’t sure which one it is. She turns towards him, gently taking his hands. Tony doesn’t draw away – he misses her, though nothing is the same. Pepper left and they are fine, but things are different, now. Still, she is his best friend. In a different way than Rhodey, but she knows him in other ways. He can be honest with her in ways he can’t be with anyone else.

‘’I don’t know,’’ she says honestly. ‘’If I would? I’d be happy, of course. Not a lot of people get to meet theirs. You should talk to Stephen about it, Tony. I think that’d help.’’

‘’He thinks,’’ Tony starts, and wonders if he should say, but perhaps it’s already too late. ‘’He thinks it’s only because we’re soulmates. He thinks that’s the only reason why. He doesn’t want to try.’’

‘’That’s just because he’s afraid,’’ Pepper says, and squeezes his hands. Hers are so much smaller than his, and yet she’s the only one he feels safe around. Still, he wishes there were other hands. Scarred hands that trembled sometimes, ones that would cover his own and make him feel at home in a way he’s never felt at home before.

He remembers being seven and knowing that soulmates didn’t mean anything. He knows better than that now, and yet – maybe it just hurts. Maybe he just got to meet his soulmate so it’d hurt. Maybe the universe wants to punish him a bit more, and he’s trying so hard to do the right thing. He just wants Stephen.

‘’Were you afraid?’’ he asks. ‘’When I met him – were you afraid I was going to leave you?’’

She smiles morosely. ‘’I knew you loved me. Though yes, I was afraid. But that’s not why I left, Tony. You know why I left. I left because we weren’t happy like we should’ve been. ’’

‘’We were fine,’’ Tony states.

‘’But nothing more than that. And I think it should’ve been more than that. I think it’s something we should’ve been happier about, and we weren’t. I think you have to talk to Stephen.’’

‘’I’m not sure he wants to.’’

Pepper tilts her head. ‘’Maybe,’’ she murmurs. ‘’Tony – I was afraid for a long time. I was afraid about loving you, too, though for another reason. You’re the one who gave me courage. Maybe you can do that again.’’

Her hands leave his, and the moment is over. She leaves, once again.

People always leave, and Stephen didn’t even dare come in the first place. Maybe that’s for the best, after all.

~*~

Tony is seven years old, and he doesn’t know why his father doesn’t love his mother.

He is twelve years old, and he understands a bit better.

He is sixteen years old, and he doesn’t believe in the power of soulmates.

He is twenty-one years old, and he knows that he is lying about what love truly is. Maybe he doesn’t actually know it, but he knows that what he’s saying isn’t the truth.

Tony is forty-five years old and shakes the hand of his soulmate, and they walk away because they have decided that soulmates are not worth believing in.

~*~

‘’You didn’t let me finish,’’ Stephen says.

Tony starts and drops his coffee. Almost as if a reflex, a portal appears under it and another above Stephen’s hand – he catches the mug almost indifferently and puts it on the counter. Tony can do little but stare.

‘’What?’’ he says, and maybe it’s not his most eloquent moment. He’s gone two days without sleep and he needs that coffee to be able to talk fluently. He must look like a mess – his hair needs to be cut and it’s curly at the ends, and he’s pretty sure there’s motor oil all over him. Stephen only smiles fondly at him, though, as he comes closer.

‘’You didn’t let me finish,’’ Stephen repeats. ‘’You said I would always doubt the truth of what we have – the validity of our feelings. You told me that I’d always wonder if you truly cared about me because you are in love, or because the universe decided we should be soulmates. And I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter.’’

Tony blinks. ‘’It doesn’t?’’ he asks.

Stephen shakes his head, and takes a step closer. They’re almost pressed against one another, and Tony feels Stephen’s breath ghost over his face. ‘’It doesn’t,’’ he murmurs. ‘’I cannot think of a single world where I would not love you for who you are. I have never listened to the universe before – why start now? I would be ignoring my feelings because we’re soulmates. And if I truly do not care about soulmates, then it should not be a valid reason to stop me.’’

‘’You thought this through,’’ Tony says.

The vibration of Stephen’s hum goes through his entire body. ‘’I did,’’ he acknowledges. ‘’The truth is that I want this. And I’m tired of denying any of it. Do you want to continue breaking our promise of being platonic?’’

‘’Yes,’’ Tony breathes, and closes the distance between them. Stephen presses him closer. Tony doesn’t think he could get away if he wanted to – and he doesn’t want to. 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever want to, and it seems like Stephen agrees.

~*~

Tony is forty-eight, and he knows that meeting your soulmate isn’t always easy. It can be difficult, and it can take years to get it right. Maybe not everyone is such a great match as the universe thinks – things change, after all, and there’s such a thing as the right place at the right time.

It doesn’t matter to him whether Stephen is his soulmate or not. The fact is that he is, and that’s all there is to it. They have both changed since they met each other, and he doesn’t know what would have happened. If all possible roads would have led to him being here – maybe they would have. Maybe everything would have been different, and he wouldn’t have cared.

The point is that he cares, now. The universe doesn’t get to decide who he loves, but Tony has decided on Stephen and he could not have made a better choice. He’s just glad to have someone to make him as happy as he is with his live-in sorcerer.

After all, who else will teleport coffee to him at five in the morning after saving the world together?


End file.
